Self-Care For Travel Lovers In Times Of Crisis

When planes and plans are grounded, it's time for travel lovers to help others - and themselves.

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On March 12, 2020, I told friends that it felt like a tiny part of me had died.

After weeks of distressing reports about the spread of COVID-19 - and an equal amount of time whereby I stoutly resolved to keep calm and carry on - the writing was on the wall. There was clearly no way that I would be able to take a long-hoped for trip to Paris in April. 

This wasn't just any trip. This was THE trip. I was turning 40 and I was moving to Paris - solo! - for a month, to write and eat and dream. Bookended by a layover in London and a trip to the United States, it was due to be my longest solo adventure since I was 24 years old. Until, of course, it wasn't. I say I made the decision not to go, but in reality the decision was made for me. Within 24 hours of my choice to withdraw, borders were closing, the news cycle went into overdrive, and I hunkered down into my home, happily choosing social distancing for everyone's benefit.

I felt like a tiny part of me had died. And I was filled with shame.

What right did I have to be crying (and let me tell you, there was crying) over missed macarons and museums when people were dying, when people's entire livelihoods were evaporating in front of them? I thought of the people of Italy, an entire nation quarantined, finding solace in community song, joining their voices together from the safe distance of apartment balconies to comfort one another in their grief. What right did I have to feel sad?

But my online community disagreed. Several people reached out to say that it's both normal and expected to feel sorrow for those in need and to also be sad that someone you really wanted did not work out. That it's okay to feel blue when your dream dies, even if it was a dream built on pretty, dainty, cozy things, and you can still have tremendous empathy for those who are also suffering in their own way. Pandemic self-care for travel lovers can acknowledge and incorporate both.

What real self-care means

In this article by Leigh Shulman, The Ultimate Self Care Gift Guide For Writers, she quotes Brianna Wiest, who says "True self-care is not salt baths and chocolate cake, it is making the choice to build a life you don't need to regularly escape from". I couldn't agree more (and this is coming from someone who happens to LOVE fancy bath salts and luscious desserts!) 

I've been thinking of Wiest's words a lot during the COVID-19 pandemic and how it is very suddenly very clear which companies have practices which align with my values and which do not. While it is very hard to find a silver lining in any crisis in which people's lives and livelihoods are threatened, I now have more information than ever on how to build a life I don't wish to regularly escape from. It's become very evident who I want to shop with, travel with, do business with. When I'm able to put my spending power back into action, I'll be doing so with a new focus. And that feels good.

Incidentally, this has been an unexpectedly good time to slash the amount of digital junk mail in my life. Endless advertising and digital noise in no way contributes to self care and all the corporate pandemic response emails I'm suddenly receiving are a superb motivation to take my name off mailing lists. 

If Wiest is right in suggesting that self care means leading a life devoid of toxicity - and I think she is - I'm happy to spend a little less time focusing on drowning my sorrows and more time dedicated to living my values. 

Look for the helpers

Fred "Mister" Rogers famously said to "look for the helpers" when you see scary things on the news. I had forgotten about this well known passage until someone cheekily shared it on social media - as a response to reports that an online pornography company was giving Italians free access to racy videos while they were in quarantine. Look for the helpers indeed! All joking aside, at least this adult-focused company was pledging to make a large charitable donation as well, which is more than I can say for a lot of other companies.

Mister Rogers was right. Look for the helpers. They're everywhere. You will feel better when you identify them. Tell them how much you appreciate them and gain strength from their example. 

Be a helper

Don't just look for the helpers. Be one. Travel lovers are especially well suited to be helpers during times of crisis. After all, who has more crazy stories than us? From your living room you can give virtual presentations about your travel adventures to senior citizens in nursing homes and to kids who are now suddenly learning online. It's not just our wild adventures that make us such good story tellers. We also know a lot about geography, weather, food, languages, and history too.

Travel lovers are also well positioned to help in smaller ways too. Writing detailed online reviews for the businesses, attractions, and services you've used around the world provides valuable encouragement for future travelers. Online reviews are EVERYTHING to independent hotels, restaurants, and tour operators. Once they're able to relaunch their business, your kind and detailed words will provide a firm foundation for their advertising efforts.

On a practical level, you can also stock up on supplies at smaller stores. True, you might be visiting several establishments as opposed to one giant superstore. But you'll be exposed to far fewer people, wait in fewer lines, and will support struggling enterprises. When my neighbourhood superstore had empty shelves and long lines, my community bagel shop and deli were empty. 

Celebrate travel in your home

A jar of Iranian saffron, a quarter-pound of powdered sumac, and five different curry blends from five different countries are currently sitting in my kitchen cupboard. Souvenirs from Istanbul's spice market, I rarely reach for them when I'm cooking. This is in part because I'm not sure what to do with them (seriously, what would YOU do with a giant jar of sumac?) and also because they are somehow too precious to utilize. It's time for that to change! I've already made a chocolate walnut banana bread using spices from around the world (you can see the recipe I used here). It's currently resting on an olive wood bread board that we brought back from Tuscany -and never once managed to use. My heart and belly are glad that I did.

In Happier At Home, author Gretchen Rubin talks about making mini shrines in your home to honor the things you love. For instance, if you adore Anne of Green Gables (and who wouldn't.....), put all your Anne books, Anne dolls, and some special beach stones from Prince Edward Island together on one shelf for continuous enjoyment and admiration. I'm slowly building up my travel themed shrines around my home. Right now, I've gathered my alabaster picture frame and candle holders together to make a shrine to Volterra, Italy, as you can see in my lead photo. If anyone has any idea on how I can incorporate my Volterran olive wood salad tools into this tableau, I'm all ears!

Be patient and philosophical with finances

I'm none too pleased that I spent money - a whole lot of money - on a trip that is never going to materialize. No matter how much I tell myself, again and again, that I'm downright lucky if the worse thing I experience is a few non-refundable flights, I still feel crummy. 

I'm trying to be gentle with myself and take a patient, philosophical approach to finances. It's okay to be filled with gratitude that you are safe and healthy and still be very much vexed that your travel budget went down the drain. I'm reaching out to my booking partners one by one and seeing what recourse I have. And I'm trying to be patient. No doubt airline staff are more distraught than I am and they deserve extra kindness and respect.

I'm also trying to apply that same patient, philosophical approach to all the killer travel deals I'm seeing right now. Who loves frugal flights more than me!? Alas, in this case they really might just be *killer* deals. It's not wise to travel in a pandemic to say the least and I'm trying to remind myself that there will be more bargains in the future. I don't want "FOMO" to get the better of me. 

Find your new cozy

Just like self care isn't really about bath salts and sweet treats, coziness isn't really about steaming mugs of cocoa and fuzzy blankets. As author Isabel Gillies describes it it in her book, Cozy, it's more about the art of arranging yourself in the world. I think of 'cozy' as the things that make me feel like me, such as finding a hidden cafe down a narrow lane or saying hello to a cat peering down at me from window ledge. Alas, those kinds of adventures get put on hold during a pandemic or other crisis.

In order to practice self care, I have to find cozy things in a more inward way, like making photo books of my past trips or recreating recipes from past adventures. For you, it might be taking advantage of the opportunity to re-read a favourite book series or catch up over the phone with old friends. It's not just about finding the bright side of an otherwise dismal situation. Coziness is about letting you feel like you when something that's a big part of your identity (like travel) is suddenly stymied. 

Quick pick-me-ups for travel lovers

Sometimes, you just need to clear your head, shake things off, and take care of yourself. Here are a few suggestions to start.

• Be an armchair traveler. Take it from me: Bloggers are in desperate need of readers these days. Why not plan an imaginary trip?
• Get outside. Hiking trails are usually excellent places to practice social distancing and a bit of "forest bathing" at the same time. Unless there are local advisories against it, go get some fresh air.
• Listen to music from around the world. Musicians need listeners just like bloggers need readers. Head to social media for advice on what artists you should stream from your favourite destinations.
• Research travel gear and reorganize your travel supplies. As far as I'm concerned, there's no better way to spend a Saturday night (really!) When travel patterns get back to normal, packing for a last minute flight will be easy-peasy. 
• Make an appointment to speak with a mental health professional. True, this will likely not be a quick pick me up. But the decision to reach out to someone and take the first steps in addressing how you feel will be encouraging. Most therapists and councilors are offering phone and online options.
• Plan a $200 challenge. I'm a huge fan of these cheap, quick excursions during which you challenge yourself to see if just two people can travel for two days and spend just $200. You might not be able to depart for a while but a big secret to the success of defeating the $200 threshold is research. 
• When all else fails, try the bath salts and the chocolate cake.